Tu stii

As vrea sa spun ca s-a terminat...ca plec si nu stiu unde. Dar teama de Tine ma tine, caci stiu ca daca am ceva, a fost din indurare. Sa ma urmeze ochiul Tau acolo unde nu ma stiu si mana Ta sa apese peste mine, am primit intelepciune sa ma gandesc. De nu m-as teme de Tine, n-as mai fi. N-as mai fi acolo si n-as mai fi aici. Surde as vrea sa-mi fie urechile si ochii orbi... cand inteleg ceea ce vrei Tu de la mine. Sunt un copil cu o inima mica, intr-un colt de camera...-in propria-mi camera... As vrea sa inchid usa si sa o locuiesc, s-o umplu de prezenta mea...insa Tu m-ai pus intr-un colt...ca o pedeapsa, ca o lectie inainte de greseala. Si cel mai rau este ca nu iti pot spune ca esti nedrept...daca nu erai Tu, nu as fi avut un colt.

Sometimes...picky is healthy

Now, this blog has a whole story behind. When I first started it I wanted give it an enigmatic title and web address name. I never planned that they would relate to each other so well and also gain so much meaning over the passing of time. So the webb address was vices and restraints (viciisiinfranri) and then Kama was the title, which meant love in Sanskrit. Funny thing is that vices and restraints kind of became two phases of my life, equivalent to childhood and maturity. When you are a child you mainly follow your heart's desires while in  adulthood one gains a little bit of wisdom and learns that sometimes it is in your best interest to try giving it a second thought. The two phases of my life I would mainly relate them to my love life, therefore Kama- as much as it concerns this blog, though it is obvious that a lot of other changes took place.

So in the light of this history of my blog, I would like to give two pieces of advice to ladies who are in their 16s-17s but also to those of you who are taking your time to grow up. First, I would say that I believe 16-17: better not date at all, Not to mention those younger than that. And there's a good reason for that. You need to get through some life stages to figure out what you 'really really want'- whether you want a career or just a job, you wanna do the cooking or not, you can do with socks on the floor or you'd rather not. I'm joking here, but truth is at 16 we don't know much about ourselves and things are bound to change a lot in the next few years. And usually, when you don't have your list of realistic expectations from a healthy relationship you won't realise how important it is what I am going to say next. 16 is an age when we are usually following our hearts. Now, if you still consider dating, listen to the following.

1. Forget all you've learned about love from the movies you watched, Google or your friends. Love- should not be burning passion, mistrust, the feeling that you want someone more than they want you or being mistreated in any physical or emotional way. I'm saying this because I know: girls tend to be attracted to guys they have to fight for, or suffer for, but following that attraction is the worst thing you can do.

Instead, you should know that:  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 

If your lover or your love does not look like this, that relationship is sure to bring harm to those involved at some level or another.

2. If you've found yourself a good guy, don't try to control or change him. There might be things you don't like about him, If they're so bad for you that you can't turn a blind eye on them, then you should consider putting an end to the relationship. It's better to do it earlier than later- for both of you. And if you find yourself in the breaking up- making up cycle, you should also raise yourself some questions weather that is the right relationship for you.

P.S. Now, if this sounded a little bit too direct I hope you still consider listening to at least a part from what I wrote. I am usually more direct, but I don't mean to be patronizing. It's just that I learned this the hard way and I really wish that more girls would not have to go through this before they wisen-up. My only purpose here is to help you guys and spare you the tears. Hugs.

Friendship, humanity, humility

As I am missing my friends very much lately, I have been thinking of what the secret behind a lasting friendship is. In my case, life has taught me to give up on people and relationships very easily. I've had enough realistic burdens to let myself be bothered with people who weren't worth it when I could just shut them out.

In spite of this, there are some people- and I can count them on the fingers of one hand-who no matter how far they are, how much time passes without us speaking to each other, I feel that we are one person and by that I mean: Your joy is my joy and your sorrows are my sorrows.
Yet, there are some who have never done anything wrong to me really, been faithful friends and have been there for me and out of duty I really wish to be there for them, and I am...as much as I can, though it does not feel the same at all. It takes effort and sacrifice and at times...I really blame myself for not being able to feel with them. Even more that, it wasn't always the same...

And although I am sure that I must make every effort to be next to this friend, the blame is shared. No matter how much you try to be a good friend, no matter how much wisdom you have gathered on how to actually be a good friend, a relationship is something that we build together. And it's built on humanity and humility. I've come to realize that the most important variable in a friendship is letting the other know that you are human- you have ups and downs, doubts, struggles and you need help. But to recognize this you need humility.

I try to be motivational myself, I want people to be encouraged, to see that there is always a bright side of life and it's always possible to look at that instead of focusing on the empty half. And I mainly do this because, I , myself need it. I'm not a bright person, actually I find it very hard to find the good in things/people, but have a natural talent to find faults. And my friends know very well of things I don't like, things I'm unhappy about and my moments of misery.There's a difference between trying to encourage and motivate people and speaking of yourself as if your life is sugar and honey. I believe there is no such person in this world, and if they say so ...I really believe they are lying. There is a difference between posting a picture of you and your happy family on social media and always telling your friends how well everything is going.

How can there be a friendship where only one of us needs the other? How will a person open up to you  if you start telling them how wonderful your life is when theirs is shattering? One needs the comfort to know that the person whom he talks to has made mistakes as well in order to be able to confess theirs. I know how painful it is not being able to confess my sin or my struggles to a friend and be encouraged. And I also know how blissful it is when a friend comes and says: I know how you feel, I've been there myself. I will pray for you. 
We should stay true to who we are, put others first, think wisely before opening our mouth, share our failures...be humble, be human. In the end...I'm sure it's going to be a win win situation.

Because none of us is perfect, none of us is good

I was lost, but then You found me...and Your mercy has shown me a side of me I long forgot and a side of You I always knew. When there were no words to touch my heart, no arguments to change my mind Your Word spoke to me. And we both know it was a miracle, there was no process and there was no fight, only surrender.

I'm going to give you a new heart, and I'm going to give you a new spirit within all of your deepest parts. I'll remove that rock-hard heart of yours and replace it with one that's sensitive to me. (Ezekiel 36:26)

Wedding Day

Surad delicat- cu sufletul, doar pentru mine.
Ca te-am ales..a fost noroc? destin? o clipa de sclipire?
Ca te-am pastrat a fost intelepciune; ratiune impletita cu iubire.
Ca esti aici..doar Domnul stie: e harul Lui ce se revarsa peste mine.

Coming Home

You are my home- an open door,
the welcome mat, a hanger for my thoughts.

You are my home- the cozy sofa,
a bed to rest on, a pillow for my tears.

You are my home- the morning coffee,
sweet embrace, the power to go on.

You are my home- you hear my song,
my prayer and my sigh.

You are my home- my friend, my lover and my joy.

Printre oameni

Cine-as fi fara de tine,

De dragostea ta nu m-ar tine?

Si ce rost ca sa mai fiu

Daca n-as stii ca esti viu?

Intr-o lume zbuciumata, 

trista, confuza, patata...

Unde as putea sa fiu?

Cine m-ar cunoaste-n lume?

Cine m-ar striga pe nume?

Si cine m-ar intelege-

Cine gandul sa-mi dezlege?

Daca tu nu m-ai fi scris...

Care om m-ar fi deschis?

Eu am un creator

Homesick

Prinsa in locul asta caruia, nevrand, ii spun acasa
Mi-e dor de lacrimile de copil, sinceritate si alin.
Cand cerul ploua, pe-ale mele ganduri, de suspin
Mi-e dor de tine, si de noi, cand te simteam 'acasa'.

Mi-e dor de-mbratisarea calda, cand nu mai este soare
Inca, singura in casa, frigul meu ma doare.
Mi-e dor de casa noastra, cand nu mai sunt acasa
De tine: acoperis, si de a ta fereastra.

Mi-e dor de noi, de ei, 'cu totii impreuna'
Cand singura in casa, ma sting privind in urma...