Now, this blog has a whole story behind. When I first started it I wanted give it an enigmatic title and web address name. I never planned that they would relate to each other so well and also gain so much meaning over the passing of time. So the webb address was vices and restraints (viciisiinfranri) and then Kama was the title, which meant love in Sanskrit. Funny thing is that vices and restraints kind of became two phases of my life, equivalent to childhood and maturity. When you are a child you mainly follow your heart's desires while in adulthood one gains a little bit of wisdom and learns that sometimes it is in your best interest to try giving it a second thought. The two phases of my life I would mainly relate them to my love life, therefore Kama- as much as it concerns this blog, though it is obvious that a lot of other changes took place.
So in the light of this history of my blog, I would like to give two pieces of advice to ladies who are in their 16s-17s but also to those of you who are taking your time to grow up. First, I would say that I believe 16-17: better not date at all, Not to mention those younger than that. And there's a good reason for that. You need to get through some life stages to figure out what you 'really really want'- whether you want a career or just a job, you wanna do the cooking or not, you can do with socks on the floor or you'd rather not. I'm joking here, but truth is at 16 we don't know much about ourselves and things are bound to change a lot in the next few years. And usually, when you don't have your list of realistic expectations from a healthy relationship you won't realise how important it is what I am going to say next. 16 is an age when we are usually following our hearts. Now, if you still consider dating, listen to the following.
1. Forget all you've learned about love from the movies you watched, Google or your friends. Love- should not be burning passion, mistrust, the feeling that you want someone more than they want you or being mistreated in any physical or emotional way. I'm saying this because I know: girls tend to be attracted to guys they have to fight for, or suffer for, but following that attraction is the worst thing you can do.
Instead, you should know that: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians
If your lover or your love does not look like this, that relationship is sure to bring harm to those involved at some level or another.
2. If you've found yourself a good guy, don't try to control or change him. There might be things you don't like about him, If they're so bad for you that you can't turn a blind eye on them, then you should consider putting an end to the relationship. It's better to do it earlier than later- for both of you. And if you find yourself in the breaking up- making up cycle, you should also raise yourself some questions weather that is the right relationship for you.
P.S. Now, if this sounded a little bit too direct I hope you still consider listening to at least a part from what I wrote. I am usually more direct, but I don't mean to be patronizing. It's just that I learned this the hard way and I really wish that more girls would not have to go through this before they wisen-up. My only purpose here is to help you guys and spare you the tears. Hugs.
As vrea sa spun la fiecare
And although I am sure that I must make every effort to be next to this friend, the blame is shared. No matter how much you try to be a good friend, no matter how much wisdom you have gathered on how to actually be a good friend, a relationship is something that we build together. And it's built on humanity and humility. I've come to realize that the most important variable in a friendship is letting the other know that you are human- you have ups and downs, doubts, struggles and you need help. But to recognize this you need humility.
